Europa! 's Nöel

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Europa! won't be driving in this condition.

Today's blog comes in a podcast-able version for your "petit pois".

Ah, Darling!

In two days is Epiphany, the end of the Festive Season, and Europa! for one, is glad it's over! Not that Europa! would have changed a thing about the holiday whirlwind of dinner parties, skiing and "après-ski", but even Europa! gets tired.

Also, darling, Europa! prides herself on speaking many European languages, but Switzerland has three official and several extra ones. As a result, the more varied the party guests, the more likely Europa! is to get tongue-cramp.

Of course Europa! does not like to blame language only for being tongue-tired. Europa! has discovered that a Christmas tree is the ideal thing to hide and to sneak kisses from Hørst, the handsome man Europa! hired to harvest the tree in the first place. Don't you love when things come full circle, darling? Europa! does. It will be sad to see this year's tree go. Oh, well, maybe Europa! can leave the mistletoe hung for an extra few days.

Wait a minute... hung... Hørst... There is a joke in there, but Europa! can not find it. Oh, well...

Europa! also met a lovely couple from Wales who took a few French lessons before coming to Switzerland. They tried gamely to keep up, but were soon drowning their troubles in the large crystal punch bowl. Poor darlings! They woke up the next day with the kind of brutal hangover one gets from drinking and conjugating. Europa! is warning you: "le français" is not for the uninitiated. If you wish to learn it, you must heed this lesson in French from Europa!...

The first thing you must understand about the French is that they are talking about you. That's why they devised a whole different language. Just listen next time. If you overhear the words "il" or "elle" or anything that sounds like it, just smile and pretend that you are not paranoid. After all, if the French are not talking about you, that is much worse. They are likely refusing to look at you because you dress so abominably. It's true - they probably can't stand to look at that hideous thing you're wearing. And trust me, if you are not French, you are wearing it badly.

Also, if you speak English, chances are that every time you say a vowel, you are really pronouncing two vowels. This is called a "dipthong". So, when you say a long "i", or "eye", you are pronouncing "ah-ee". The French find this lingering on vowels wasteful, as it gets in the way of speaking quickly and with "élan". If several vowels are needed strung together, the French will write each one out, leading to unsightly spelling disasters like "bouillon", "cœur" and "œil".

So, you see why Europa! needs a rest.

Any how, do try to learn a few European words. It makes you smarter, and being brilliant is so much more fun than being dull, non?

"Allons, bonne et heureuse année" and kisses, darling,

Ciao!
Europa! 8-D